hope.

Today it exploded in my face. Goodbye pisay. And surprisingly, I was calm about it. Too calm. When sir dropped the bomb, all I could do was blink and interject, holding my head as if it was the worst thing in the world, but it wasn't. Broke the news to robert, and he was more depressed than I was. Jira shook me and demanded to know why I was so calm.

This is the last chance. I pray that I won't screw this up. But so much effort amounting to nothing is frustrating, and eventually, you tire. Tire of the world, tire of pisay, tire of running around day to day, and sleeping half the time. I surprised myself. Apparently, even caring about my grades required some effort. 'So what if I have to take the test?' 'So what if I don't pass?' There is no back up plan, ladies and gentlemen, but somehow, maybe this uncanny calmness stemmed from something I realized a long time ago; I don't really belong here. So is this goodbye? I hope not. I hope not. >,<



He who has never hoped can never despair.