The Difficulty of Being

I can't help but cry because there is no other way out of this.

The diffculty of being under layers and layers of secrets is that it you feel that it's alright, get used to that feeling, and then are pulled out into the rude bright light of the world. And after that you realize and regret, and restart. The difficulty of being chosen to live a life that has standards, a life that carries the name of the Savior, is that others will see you with that Mark, and know that you are different. The hardest part of living is living without compromise.

It's a strange place, the world. It's a wonderful, deceptive "things-are-never-what-they-seem" kind of place. With all kinds of temptations, all kinds of situations that complicate existence. It will be hard, what is going to happen. If your eye causes you to sin, then gauge it out. If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. Easier said than done. Easier said than done.

It's been obvious. For the past few months i've been compromising, and perhaps not just in terms of relationships with other people. I have found out, that it is, horrendously easy to let yourself fall into the trap where feelings affect decisions, and where your line of sight is so screwed up that you can't think straight; that you cannot see the big picture anymore. And this, my friends, is the big picture: I shouldn't be doing this. We shouldn't be doing this.

Because even if we're young and intelligent, we can also be incredibly blind and stupid. I am guilty of being. Incredibly blind. And stupid. And guilty of compromising, and guilty of leading you on. This should stop. Tears should stop now. Everything is going to fade. And it will hurt so bad.